it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
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They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
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OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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