remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
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She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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