they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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