Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Randomize
