I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
