So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My vagina just recognized that song.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
