I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
