Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize