my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
