Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
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