who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
