I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I could fuck to npr.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
