so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
