Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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