There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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