Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
