When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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