He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
