I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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