how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
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Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
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Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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