i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
