Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
