I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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