I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
