you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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