my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
