Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
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