is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
