My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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