Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
