News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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