yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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