Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm bleeding and have questions
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
