it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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