I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words...techno handjob
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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