No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
