There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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