I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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