Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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