you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
