I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
