I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
