While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
