She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
