Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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