respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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