I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
