Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
