i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
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A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
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Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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