Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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