hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
