Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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