i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
