you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
40s are totally the cure
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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