do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
