But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
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That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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