I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
