You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
