i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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