that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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