is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
