I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
