my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
