I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
