Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
