I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
