he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
