I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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